tears

Today was hard. Probably the hardest day I've had here since I arrived. Sometimes Diane can be very short, rude or mean to me and I don't know how to deal with it. Earlier I trying to help her organize her closet. Her sister Aude had just reorganized her closet and was sitting in the room as well. I tried helping but she was very frusterated, annoyed and aggravated with me (for reasons I don't understand, I was only trying to help!). In a fit of rage I swear she said that she didn't like me (in French) to her sister. Her sister said her name in a scolding way but just shrugged her shoulders and left the room. It was then that I could feel the tears coming on. I let out a deep sigh, Diane looked at me, and I looked away. I didn't want her to see me cry. But one tear escaped and I wiped it away and went downstairs to cry in the bathroom by myself. A few minutes later Aude came downstairs.

Aude: Kendra are you okay?

Kendra: what? yeah, I'm fine. (looking away, fighting the tears)

Aude: Are you sure?

Kendra: Yes Aude, I'm fine.

Aude: But you were just crying a second ago upstairs weren't you?

Kendra: No, no I wasn't. I'm fine.

Aude: (cocks her head and grins slightly) Are you sure?

Kendra: Yes, it's fine.

Then she comes up to me and investigates my eyeballs.

Aude: Why were you crying?

Kendra: .....(then the tears come) because...your sister said she didn't like me in French, I know my French isn't good but I know what I heard, and I'm only trying to help, and all I want is for you guys to like me and I don't know what to do...

Aude: Oh nooo, she didn't say that at all! No no, I will go upstairs and clear this up. It was a misunderstanding.

Little Aude was lying I know. But a good lie. What do you call those? White lies, right? I knew she was just saying this to make me feel better.

Then a few minutes later Diane came downstairs and the first thing she said was sorry. Then I cried and told her that I just wanted her to like me and she hugged me to tight for several minutes while I cried. Then she started crying because it made her sad to see me cry. We hugged and cried together for a few minutes then she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. It was really precious. And although I really didn't want the children to see me cry I feel like it was a breakthrough moment. It made me more human with feelings vs. their 'boss'. That night she was on her best behavior, she was an angel. Now I hope this angel streak just lasts awhile :)